Coffee Breakups

- Oh, share na tayo sa kape ha!
- Fhadz, nasabi ko nabang magkape ka?
- Pahiram ng shorts
- Wait, nasabi ko nabang hihiram ako ng short?
- Fhadz, magkape ka na.
- Changed, awaken.
- Nasabi ko nabang magkape ka Fhadz?
- Hihiram ka ba ng shorts?
- Fhadz, magkape ka na raw.
- Changed, awaken.
- Hihiram ka ba ng shorts?

- Fhadz, nabasa mo ba yung kanina?
- Alin?
- Sabi ko gusto ko ng closure. Ang weird..
- Bakit?
- Wala, nakuha ko kasi yung closure na gusto ko.
- Kailan.
- Kanina.
- Mark, uhm..
- I want us to be friends.
- :D
- Nasabi ko na bang magkape ka?

- Oy! Babasa mo na?
- Ang alin?
- Yung post sa blog ko.
- Tungkol sa?
- Nasabi ko nabang sa blog ko?
- Pahiram ng shorts
- Changed, awaken.

- Sabi ko na nga ba.
- Thanks for a good laugh!
- Hindi naman ako picky sa friends.
- Si Mark ito.
- Nasabi mo na yon.
- Fhadz, magkape ka na.

- Wow, Jolly Hotdog!
- Powertop ka pala.
- Yup, pero I don't mind if you're not hung.
- =))
- Gusto kitang i-fist
- =))
- Changed, awaken.
- Pahiram ng shorts.

- In fairness, cute pala katabi ko.
- To be fair.. :)
- Sorry, to be fair pala.
- Ah, so power bottom pala ako.
- Lumiliit ba yung bun o lumalaki yung hotdog?
- Flaky na siya, unlike before.
- Changed, awaken.
- Stupid amputa!
- Stats mo?
- Tignan natin kung makaupo ka pa!

- Go Cajucom! Nakabandana pa!
- Six years na yan.
- Markee!..
- Four years na, move on!
- Pahiram ng shorts.
- Taga Manila Doctors kaba?
- *cartwheels*
- Changed, awaken.

- Ang Kheps na Halimaw.
- Hahaha! Etits na submissive!
- Jaymar, mag-cr ka na!
- Wag kayong magchant!
- Changed, awaken.

- Mark, four years, pero mahal ko pa xa.
- Fhadz, magkape ka na.

- Ulitin mo nga...

Lament of a Rude Worthless Kid

I guess it's all too late
The clock ticked so slow
The moment's gone too fast
I'm left wondering
Where I had been All this time

The bed calls, I must answer
Like I had answered before
I guess I answer too much
I guess I should have just said no

I wonder how red my blood is
I wonder how much pain it will cause
I wonder if it will be pleasurable
I wonder if it will be good

Someone told me
There's always hope; Liar
I wish there was
I wish there is
I wish

The clock ticks so much slower
Now that I have nothing to do
I am falling
Deeper and deeper
Into a tunnel of darkness
Which I myself have dug

Forgive me, or who I was
I am just not ready to live this life
I would rather be dead than not be alive
It should have been easier

The blue is now turned to stone
And once again my pockets are empty
Once again I am miserable
Like I was before

Or did I ever become otherwise?

I guess I should have known
I guess I should have listened
I guess I should have worked
I guess I should have given

I can hear the laughter of my enemies
Their prayers have been answered
I was smitten by the hand of their God
Mine is all I have

I'm afraid
Does it not show?
I guess I hide to well
Everyone tells me so

I wish the heart would stop beating
I wish the mind would stop thinking
I wish the world would just listen
I wish the I would just not

I think I'll have another smoke.

Heartbreaks, Disappointments and A Yellow Jacket

The last second is repeated
Every moment slow in speed
We were humbled
I cannot look
I cannot take
Such mockings from a crowd of blue

The sea of yellow is silent
Thinking how miracles could happen
Not for them
Not for us
Not for me

Your eyes still linger
But yours was a glance
Mine was a gaze
You were too far
You were too distant
You were too impossible

The paint on your face
Yellow and black
Covering a fair skin
That my touch shall never share

I have fallen
Again and again
Now I'm falling again
Into a sleep with no dreams
I'd rather be still
I'd rather be silent
I'd rather be here

I wish I had a yellow jacket
Much like yours
I am cold
I was cold
I will get use to the cold

I hate to admit
I'm stupid
I knew you were not bent
Yet I still ask
Hellos are not meant
For insensitivity

I was always hopeful
I was always dreaming
I was always naive

I was always for you

The images are fresh
I am already stale
I like you very much
But I guess, (take my guess for facts)
I'm just someone you wouldn't
Ever give a fucking damn about

For you? Does it matter?

What? Tsk...

I am a slave for the king.

The end is always silent.

The Night That Is Over

I guess the night will come soon,
And as swift as it comes
It will be over.

The night that is over
I've been looking forward to a such
The night that is over
Will start soon.

I thought I shall see such a night
When everything will be done
And all is happy and cheerful
Yet I was barred from such a sight

I'm sad for the night
I'll be alone
I want the night to be over
I want the day to come... not that it matters

All is still the same.

No, some things just change.

No, some people just change.

I'd rather be alone Than be with a roomful of people Who don't want me to be there.

But still, count me as your friend I'd rather lie and look plastic Than throw away the things We had before..

We were young back then..

Ride Home Poetry No. 4

He looked
Not once nor trice
And I saw me in his eyes

He walked,
Not fast nor slow
But faster than mine

I gazed
He did not
He just looked back

I chased him
I then got close
I then walked past
But he didn't chase me back

I walked
Faster than him
He didn't keep up

I climbed
A long flight above
He just kept walking

I stopped
I caught my breath
I enter
The train starts to run

I think
Of how it would have been
If he only knew me
And tried to love me back

Or maybe just tried
To catch up

Ride Home Poetry No. 3

Settle down
Catch your breath
The trains move angrilly
The people stop quietly

Fall back to the chair
The long blue chair
No one else will sit
It will be just me

I should have taken the other car
Someone must have ridden there
I see only strangers
But they don't see me

Stop texting!
Just look
At the one who will look back
Fuck the wrong moves
Forget the right ones

Hesitation Kills!
Stop!!
Stop!
Stop.

The breath returns slowly
But the boy will not

Slowly they pass, he passes
Stations come and go
By the end I'll be alone
Like I always was before

Ride Home Poetry No. 2

The laughter is shattered
Once more the silence returns
Once more I ride alone

I almost got on the wrong jeep
Funny what happens when you're happy
I guess when you return to the state
Of what you were before you were now
The reality kicks your ass

The sweat drips heavily
The hanky I brough is broken
Faces are starting to stare
Their looks start to get lost
My head is still bent down

No words are making sense
No phrase seems to work
The scent lingers
The person remains unknown

The jeepney wakes
The people sleep
Another ride home
Spent with no one else

Ride Home Poetry No. 1

Move over a little
The space is not limited
The jeepney is open to all
We're not the only ones here

You joke too much
But I guess you already know that
The problem is I'm gullible
And I'm not joking with you

Please stop
You're hurting me
And you just might hurt yourself too
Don't do this
I'm just too weak to resist

I'm bleeding
I can't take another blow
I told him I'll stop after that
I can't help it
It seems like I'm falling
Once again

No.
Over and over again

The picture's stuck
The music plays
I don't want it
I don't want you
But I guess that's how it goes

The jeepney is almost full
My words are almost empty
There's just no room for another bag
In this empty space

Once Again, There's Rain

The rain slashes
the wall of my room
I remember you
You always loved the rain
I always hated it

The wet drops fly
from every side; I feel
the cold I feel you
I miss you

I could not talk to
you; I could not look
at you

Not now
Not soon

I feel the loneliness
The water sticks to
my throat, Like the beer
I tasted last night
And once again I'm drunk

The closet door is
open, I want to get in
I want to hide
But you'll just know I'm there

I don't want to move
At least not now;
I'm still unsure
No music is playing
No Yael to cheer me up

The talks are over
I have already confessed
But I cannot have communion
Not now; not with you

I'm searching for something
else; But my heart yearns
for you; Time is running--
Not out but fast

I wish I was not bent
If that was I wouldn't be
confused; I don't want to rush
into you; I don't think
I can take that

You're special to me
But I also like sticks
Not just mountains and valleys
But I like you beyond any of that

I want to be with you
Although I long for something else
Something beyond the rain
Something beyond the waters

I love you, but I'm afraid
I'm afraid to approach something,
I might regret later
I just don't want to hurt you...

Because I'm just not ready yet
And I don't think you are too

A year will pass and
I will know
And you too will know
I will just be here
I just hope you're still there

The rain slashes outside
I feel the cold
I feel the sadness

I wish I could feel you too..

February 17, 2006

I stand.
The other dream was shattered,
The other dream still waits..

I cannot think clearly.
I cannot see cleary.

The soft sound softens even more,
The light once bright now dims.

I see no other standing beside me;
I am all alone.

The lights now darken.
The sound now fades.

The stage is bare.
The beat is bare.
I am bare.

The lights are fading.
The sound turns into a whisper.

I close my eyes.

The stage is almost dark.
The stage is almost silent.

Fade out.

A sketch is all I hold.