The Need

A few months ago, the BBitch and I were sitting at Rosarito, talking about stuff. Inevitably, our conversation headed towards the topic of boys—wait, I meant to say, a boy. And after clearing out the basic terms and definitions we were using throughout the conversation, BB finally asked me, "What will I do?"

I said (in an academic tone I always use when trying to make a point):

You must make him feel different when he's with you. You must offer him that one thing, that single thing that only you could give. This single thing must be something that he'll want, something that he'll try to have. It must not be anything that can be lost or anything that anyone else could give. It must be that unique thing you bring to the table.

And when he finally realizes that this one thing, that only you could bring, is essential to him, then you have created the Need.

The Need. A very interesting concept...

***

When I talk about the Need, I'm not referring to Maslow's Hierarchy—but it is somewhat connected (I think..). In case you slept through your basic psychology class, the Hierarchy of Needs is a theory of personality created by Abraham Maslow that proposes that personal growth is achieved by fulfilling different needs—which range from the physical (food, water, air, etc.) to the more "spiritual" aspects (morality, creativity, etc.). And because I slept through the same discussion, I will refer you to the Wikipedia article, in case you still need some brushing up.

But as I said, this is not really about those needs. When Maslow defined the needs, he placed the need for Love and Belonging (which includes sexual intimacy) right in the middle. But this was a generalization—one that says that humans need to feel a sense of belonging.

The Need that I speak about here is not the simple need for love, but rather that special driving force that binds us to another person. The Need is the reason why you can't sleep at night, why you can't eat breakfast, lunch or dinner and why you can't talk about that special someone without loosing your breath every two minutes.

Think about it. There are literally billions of people sharing the same planet with you, and more than half of them aren't as bad-looking as you think. It is not impossible for you to be attracted to an eight of the whole population of earth.

But somehow, there's that one special person who you will care for the most. The one who will make you forget all others. The one who will make you think that the sun and the moon revolves only around the two of you, and that everyone else is a gate crasher on your perfect date on earth.

Why that one person? There are billions of others, but you chose that one instead of the other billion. Why?

"Love! It's Love I tell you!" I can hear people shouting now. But I'm pedantic, and the concept of "love" is too vague. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, the Need.

Yes, the Need. I believe that then real driving force of love is not a metaphysical or even spiritual force. The real battery that makes love go round is the Need, and nothing but.

As Leann Rhymes sung:

I need you like water, like breathe, like rain.
I need you like mercy from heaven's gate..

You might think of me as too unromantic, having the guts to exchange that highly valued concept of love for a rather simplistic and crude view that we are all just driven by a need.

Yes, you can whine your romantic ass all you want. But think about it hard—so hard that you almost feel your brains explode.

Why do you like someone? Why he (or, ehem, she) of all people? Don't give me that "you-don't-need-to-give-reasons-on-why-you're-loving-somebody" shit, because no one really cares for that anymore.

If you examine your feelings to the point of actually getting zen-like enlightenment, then you'll see that there are really reasons, logical explanations on why you're hooked and not just weird new-age theories.

At first you're going to give reasons that start with "I love him cause I like the way" or "I love him cause I love how" or even "I love him cause I love his".. You're still not getting it, because frankly, you're just trying to enumerate some of the things you like about him.

But when you get to the point that you'll say things like:

I love him cause I need to feel the way he messes up my hair when he thinks I'm corny.

or

I love him cause I need to see him smile every morning when I wake up beside him

or

I love him because I need to feel his touch, or else I know I am destined to be alone forever.

In that one blissful moment, you have finally discovered the Need.

***

But wait, aren't we forgetting something that Claudine Barretto said in Milan?:

Mahal mo ba ako dahil kailangan mo ako?
O kailangan mo ako dahil mahal mo ako?

If I was Piolo Pascual in that scene, I would have probably said something like this:

Boba, e'di pareho!

Isipin mo nga, pano kita mamahalin kung hindi kita kailangan? Kailangan ko munang maramdaman na isa ka sa mga bagay na hindi pwedeng mawala sa buhay ko. Kailangan ko munang madama na ikaw ang hangin at na hindi ko kayang huminga kung wala ka. Kailangan kong madama na ikaw ay tubig at na mauuhaw ko kapag bigla kang naglaho. Kailangan ko munang makita na ikaw ang ay pagkain na papawi sa gutom kong puso. At kapag alam ko na na kailangan talaga kita para mabuhay ako sa mundong ito, doon ko lamang malalaman na mahal kita.

At kapag mahal na kita dahil kailangan kita, alam kong kakailangin na kita—dahil ikaw ang mahal ko

As you can see, love will always be directly proportional to the Need. As the Need increases, so those love. It's not hard to reconcile the ideas.

So the next time you find yourself looking out the window, staring into the sky and imagine how it would feel like to finally touch his skin in the heat of passionate romance, think about the Need and what the friggin' hell you can do so you can get him to need you too.

I guess I've blabber too much, explained too little and place myself in a great position of being targetted by the fury of those who have erected the altars of cupid. But then again, please remember, it's early Friday morning and I haven't slept for two days..

And so, as I can now hear my bed calling me once more, I leave you know with this very romantic quote I heard a few days ago:

Para kang bubble-gum na kahit wala nang lasa,
hindi ko parin maitapon.