Gospel of Jake
Warning: This post is Long, Weird and Fictional. Not suitable for people under 18 years of age, depressed emo kids, hot guys who can get anyone they want and Dora the Explorer. By the way, it's just like reading a book from the Bible—a depressing gay bible that is.
Jake Calls Ross
1 Jake waited until ten thirty. 2 When the time arrived, he took the receiver and dialed the number. 3 After five rings, Jake heard Ross on the other end. 4 Jake said "Hi," Ross said "Hello." 5 They made small talk until around midnight. 6 Then Jake started to say what he wanted Ross to know.
7 "This is the 100th day of our friendship, I want you to know how happy I am to have known you." Jake said. 8 Ross did not respond immediately. 9 He did not know what to say. 10 Finally, Jake told him the truth. 11 "I like you very much." Jake told Ross.
12 Ross made excuses. 13 He said he was straight. 14 He said he cannot reciprocate the feeling. 15 He said he was in love with someone else.
16 Jake was heartbroken. 17 He didn't know what to do. 18 Finally, he just told Ross how he really felt. 19 "I really love you." Jake said.
20 "If I was gay, I would love you too." Ross responded.
21 Jake was in joy, yet still incredulous. 22 He mustered the courage and asked Ross. 23 "Is that how you feel? Would you really love me if you were gay?"
24 "No." Ross responded poignantly. 25 "I just thought it was the right thing to say right now."
26 Ross heard the receiver slam.
Jake Sleeps with Bernard
1 Jake was on the bed with Bernard. 2 The two men were kept decent only by the sheet that covered them. 3 There was silence in the air, and the only light that shone was a lamp five houses away. 4 Bernard took Jake into his arms into a tight embrace.
5 Jake faced Bernard and gave him a light peck on the lips. 6 Bernard smiled at Jake. 7 Bernard is Jake's ex-boyfriend and they just finished their second round of sex.
8 Bernard then told Jake what happened after they broke up. 9 Jake was surprised that Bernard had a short lived relationship with Fred, a guy a year older than them. 10 Fred went to the same school as Jake and Bernard. 11 Fred was a slut.
12 "He's not great at giving blowjobs," Bernard confessed to Jake. 13 "He doesn't seem to know what he's doing."
14 Jake just gave Bernard a strange look. 15 Bernard smiled at Jake. 16 "He's not as good as you," he told Jake.
17 Jake smiled at the thought, beaming and proud of his skills. 18 He kissed Bernard hard on the lips which eventually turned into a full blown tongue fight. 19 When they pulled away, Bernard's face carried a pensive expression.
20 "He kisses better though." Bernard said aloud.
21 Bernard then heard Jake's fake snoring.
Red Calls Jake
1 Jake stood up and walked to the ringing phone. 2 He took the receiver and placed it against his ear. 3 "Hello." he answered.
4 "Hi Jake, it's Red" the guy on the other side responded. 5 "Oh hi Red." Jake said, unenthusiastically.
6 Jake had confessed to Red, three days before, that he liked him. 7 Red didn't respond at the confession and kept quiet. 8 Jake was confused. 9 He thought that Red was the one. 10 He liked Red so much and he thought that Red liked him too. 11 Jake was wrong. 12 Jake assumed something that wasn't true.
13 Jake and Red talked on the phone for an hour. 14 After some idle chatting, Red asked Jake the Killer Question.
15 "Now that you've told me how you felt," Red started, "and I've told you that I didn't feel the same way, do I still have to wave at you or acknowledge you when we see each other or talk to you?"
16 Jake was dumbfounded with what Red asked. 17 He was furious. 18 "Why not?" Jake asked, trying to calm down.
19 "Because, some of the people who were like you..." Red started again, "..didn't want to talk to me after I told them I don't like them. I just thought that you'd want time to get over me."
20 Jake shook his head in disbelief. 21 He saw red, not Red, just red.
22 "My world doesn't revolve around you Red." Jake said calmly. 23 "You're no longer significant to me."
24 Jake swore he heard crickets for two minutes.
Jake Kisses Phillip
1 Jake was at Phillip's apartment. 2 Phillip was the boyfriend of Jake's best-friend. 3 He asked Jake to accompany him that day, going around the city to do some stuff. 4 Jake thought it was weird for Phillip to ask him for company, since he and Phillip weren't close.
5 Jake's fears were quelled when Phillip started telling him about how his relationship with Jake's best-friend was on the rocks. 6 Jake felt Phillip's need to know how to deal with his best-friend. 7 He gave Phillip the best advice he could think off. 8 Phillip was thankful.
9 Jake and Phillip sat on the edge of Phillip's bed, watching the news on CNN. 10 They chatted about many thing. 11 Suddenly, they looked at each other. 12 Phillip kissed Jake on the lips.
13 Jake was shocked, but he didn't fight Phillip. 14 Jake kissed him back. 15 After two minutes of lip-lock, they finally separated. 15 Jake was in a state of confusion. 16 He left Phillip's apartment in a daze.
17 A few days later, Jake received a call from Phillip. 18 He told Jake that he and his best-friend broke up and he wanted to be with Jake. 19 Jake couldn't think of anything to say to Phillip. 20 He told him that he'll call him back.
21 Jake never called Phillip back. 22 He was afraid of what might happen. 23 If Phillip could cheat on his best-friend, he could cheat on him too.
24 Through the next few months, Phillip became more persistent. 25 He courted Jake the best way he could. 26 But Jake was still afraid.
27 Phillip became tired of playing Jake's game. 24 He flew to Australia, never telling Jake he went away. 25 He never came back for Jake.
26 Jake knew he lost someone who he could have loved.
Jake Dreams of Gino
1 Jake had loved Gino for five years. 2 He always loved him, even though Gino never knew. 3 Jake was sure that Gino was straight, and if he told him, he'll just distance himself from Jake.
4 One day, Kurt, a close friend of Jake, gave him a letter. 5 He was surprised to learn that the letter was from Gino. 6 Jake opened the letter, unsure of what it said.
7 Jake was almost in tears. 8 The letter contained a poem that answered another one which Jake wrote for Gino. 9 And in the very end of the letter, Gino confessed to Jake that he was in love with him too.
10 Jake was in ecstasy. 11 The man who he had loved for five year loves him too. 12 The man who had been a constant source of pain, pleasure and inspiration for him was now finally going to be in his arms.
13 Jake cried so hard when he woke up from his dream and found the letter no longer in his hands.
Jake Sees Jake
1 Jake stood up from his computer. 2 He walked to the kitchen and started making some coffee. 3 Jake then sat himself on a chair in the dining room. 4 He pondered on the things that happened during the week.
5 In less than seven days, Jake was able to meet four new guys through the Internet. 6 In less than seven days, Jake was rejected by four new guys. 7 One was too proud. 8 One was too busy. 9 One was too stupid. 10 One was too taken.
11 That night, Jake met another guy. 12 But Jake was scared, because from all the things that happened in his life, he knew that this was bound to fail.
13 As he finished filling a mug with steaming coffee, he walked towards his bedroom. 14 On the way, he passed by the antique mirror hanging by the wall of the hallway. 15 Jake looked at himself.
16 Jake is still alone.