die Vollkommensch

• Computer Programmer, Web Designer, Graphic Designer or knows these stuff.
• Walks fast.
• Good speaker but knows when to listen.
• Knows how to make good coffee.
• Knows how to cook good food or knows how to eat good food.
• Good singer or great dancer.
• Speaks with the eyes.
• Speaks more than three languages.
• Replies as soon as possible.
• Calls just so I don't worry.
• Asks about my day.
• Can speak about his own day.
• Doesn't mind me rummaging through stuff.
• Doesn't mind me going alone.
• Knows the basic bed-stuff.
• Wouldn't mind changing positions.
• Doesn't open his eyes when we kiss.
• Keeps me involved.
• Gets along with my friends.
• Helps me get along with his friends.
• Wouldn't leave me for a video game.
• Wants to be my best friend.
• First to offer me a hanky.
• Knows his goals.
• Plans well, but knows when to break plans.
• Spontaneous.
• Keeps me surprised.
• Has me on Number 2 speed dial.
• Can spell my last name the first time he tries.
• Owns a pair of comfortable walking shoes.
• Doesn't mind me doing things alone.
• Doesn't mind doing things alone.
• Knows how to argue well.
• Tilts my head on his shoulder on long trips.
• Can blabber about current topics.
• Philosophically inclined.
• Puts family first.
• Knows his way.
• Can style my hair.
• Isn't afraid to try new stuff.
• Can teach me new stuff.
• Can bear AMs.
• Great to wake-up with in the morning.
• Can dance in the rain.
• Writes my name on the emergency list.
• Swims.
• Has a fireman tendency.
• Doesn't need reminding.
• Doesn't hold back.
• Can push me.
• Can lift me.
• Can carry me.
• Can tell me to work my ass!
• Celebrates the small stuff.
• Secretly reads my blog.
• Helps me improve.
• Wants me to help him improve.
• Knows the time.
• Killer smile.
• Knows what I like.
• Lets me know what he likes.
• Wouldn't want a Mit einer Bettgeschichte.
• Giggles when he hears "Ich bin verrückt nach Dir" and returns the compliment.
• Can say "Mahal Kita" instead of "I Love You."

Ai! Ich drücke die Vollkommensch dieDaumen.

Eulogia Para Sa Isang Kaibigan

Matagal na panahon narin simula nung tayo'y unang nagkita. Masaya ako noon at kagagaling lamang sa isang paglalakbay. Nasa isang sulok ka naman ng Asturias, naghihintay ng pupulot sayo mula sa duming iyong kinaluluklukan.

Hindi ko mapaliwanag kung paano kita natagpuan. Siguro, langit narin ang nagtakda nang ating pagkikita. Naroon ako nung mga oras na kailangan mo nang tutugon sa iyo, at hanggang ngayon, nagpapasalamat ako na ako ang taong pinili mo.

Wala akong alam sa pinanggalingan mo, o sa mga bagay-bagay na nagtulak sa iyo para layuan siya. Alam kong minahal mo siya, at nakaukit iyon sa iyong kalooban. Nakita ko ang mga larawang iyong itinago, kasama narin ang mga sulat at mga pahayag. Ngunit hindi mo ako hinayaang makilala siya o malaman ang kanyang pangalan. Hindi mo rin ako binigyan ng pagkakataong makilala ka ng lubusan. Siguro, iyon talaga ang iyong nais. Kung ikaw man ang iniwan o kung ikaw ang nang-iwan, hindi ko na iyon malalaman..

Sa loob ng mahigit isang taon nating pagsasama, marami narin ang nangyari. Marami ang mga tulad mo na dumaan sa aking buhay. Ngunit lahat sila ay bigla nalang nawala, umalis o di kaya'y sapilitang kinuha mula sa aking piling. Ngunit naging matatag tayong dalawa. Ikaw ang palaging tumutugon sa aking pangangailangan, ang palaging tumutulong sa aking paghihirap.

Marami tayong tinago mula sa mundo. Marami tayong mga nilipat mula sa iba't-ibang lugar. Nakarating na tayo sa maraming mga siyudad, bayan at lipunan.

Ngayong lumisan ka na nang tuluyan mula sa aking piling, isang butas ang iniwan mo sa aking puso. Ang dating kaibigang palagi kong kasama at katuwang, ngayo'y wala na. Ako'y nagluluksa at nagdadalamhati sa iyong pag-alis sa mundong ibabaw. Ayong lumuluha sa iyong pagkawala.

Wala na ang tingkad mo sa aking mga mata. Wala na ang iyong mga tinagong mga alaala.

Alam ko na hindi dito natatapos ang lahat. Alam kong kailangang kong patuloy na gumalaw. Masakit sa akin ang pangyayaring ito, ngunit alam kong masaya ka na sa iyong pagpapahinga. Wag kang mag-alala, malalagpasan ko rin ito. Sana'y makahanap rin ako ng papalit sa iyo sa aking puso.

Iisa lang ang tunay kong hinagpis: sana ay nalaman ko nang mas maaga na mawawala ka. Sana ay mas inalagaan kitang mabuti. Sana ay nailipat ko ang mga alaalang iyong dala.

Nawa'y mahimlay ka nang mapayapa.

Hindi kita kakalimutan.

Para kay Asturksy (2006-2007), ang mahal kong Flash Drive.

Balitaktak Mo, O Balitaktakbo?

A Balita-Roundup of the Latest Happenings in My World..

Syempre, medyo matagal narin since I told everyone my stories. I'm lucky kasi may mga tao akong palaging kasama, so alam nila mga pangyayari sa buhay ko. Pero there are a lot of you na hindi ko na masyadong nakwekwentuhan, so here's a balita roundup.

The Workaholic Syndrome

For the first time in my life, I have become a little workaholic. Yup, madami talaga akong trabaho ngaun, and I'm loving it. I'm doing what I love the most and I'm getting paid for it, which makes it the best job!

Syempre, I miss school life, I can't deny that. I miss the AB Uniform, I miss the lectures and the assignments. Pero before you actually think na I'm regretting my decission to skip this sem, let me clear it out again: I love what I'm doing right now and I don't regret my choice. Yeah, I miss school things, pero my job keeps me happy naman eh.

At oo nga pala, I kinda decided na rin to give up the whole "graphic and web designer" thing and focus solely on being an web application developer. Nakita ko kasi from the trends from my past projects na halos wala akong nakukuhang solid graphic design jobs and puro web applications talaga. And I can say naman that web applications are really my strength. So giveup na muna ako sa print design jobs.

As for financial, no worries pa naman at the moment. Hindi na ako masyadong namumulubi, and I have savings na rin naman. So all's well sa career ko.. :)

New Phone

After almost six years, nagpalit na ako ng phone. Nothing fancy, just a sleek Sony Ericsson Z530i. Maganda naman ang features and I love the cool black matte finish nung cover.

I bought it on July 7, 2007 (777, yeah, lucky phone.. hahaha) with the help of Marianne and Tekla. Wow, amazed pala ako sa bargaining skills nitong si Tek.. Babaeng baratillo pala ito.

You'll find the basic features naman: media player, java, sms and mms, email, wap, etc. May camera din sya, na akala ko e pangit ang pictures, pero maganda naman pala. Maliit lang yung LCD kaya hindi mo makikita yung real quality. Pero once transferred sa PC, it looks good naman.

The thing I like most about this phone is the fact I can sync it with my PC. Since I'm always trying to schedule appointments with my clients, it's a good thing na syncronized ang phone at PC ko because I always work with both.

Pero I hate the fact that mahina yung message alert tone, kahit na super lakas na nung ringing volume. I did some research and found out na sakit pala talaga yun ng mga Sony Ericsson phones. Anyway, I can live with that naman, since I put my phone in silent mode almost every time.

And for those who are wondering, I didn't change numbers. It's still 0916677****.

Lovelife.. Or Should I Say, Lovedeath?

When it comes to my lovelife, bano parin ako.. Hahaha, no change at all. Ayun, ganon parin: still single and quirky.

Let's have a quick rundown of my most recent love-related kyemes. For the sake of being polite, hindi ako maglalagay ng pangalan--code songs nalang. At hindi rin pala ako magsusulat about the more well-publicised ones.. Sorry, for close people only..

1. "How can something so wrong, feel so right all along? Catch me, I'm falling for you." Hahaha. Kilala nyo namang lahat ito eh. Well, I can safely say na tapos na ang sagang ito ng buhay ko. From Tinoco Park and the UST Grandstand, to Plaza Calderon at the Big Dome, nasubaybayan nyo ang kwento ko at ni Ascat. Fortunately, okay naman na ang lahat. Somehow, I learned my lesson: you can try and break a straight stick, but it will never really bend. Pero it's really all good. We're still friends and we bump into each other every once in a while. At naprove ko rin na mali pala ako; he still remembers my name.. Hahaha.. Pero yun, goodluck nalang sa mahabang list ng mga bilat na nagkukumahog magpost ng comments sa profile nya!
2. "And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful and it kills him inside." Nako, masyadong madugo ang isang ito. After the weird Ortigas incident, naging mas close kami ng taong ito: to the point na malapit nang maging kami. And although nakakatuwa naman siya, I really can't have a relationship sa menchung ito. Pano naman, hindi maalis sa isip ko na kung kaya nyang gawin iyong ginawa nya sa iba, how could it be any different with me, diba? So kahit na palagi niyang sinasabi na gusto talaga niya ako, at kahit pa muntik na akong mahulog sa mga kamay niya, no parin ang ending. Hindi ako mang-aagaw.. nangyari nalang bigla. Pero okay lang naman yung, I'll just groove to the Maroon 5 cd na gift niya sakin. Besides, very good friends pa naman kami ni Lo..
3. "Just turn around now, cause you're not welcomed any more!" Eto ang nakakatawa. I met this person na DL. Nagchat kami tapos binigay nya number nya. Tinext ko tapos hindi nagreply. I sent a message pero no avail parin. So I thought it was a lost cause. Pero nagulat nalang ako nang nagtext siya a few weeks later. Nung una sinabon ko, pero mabait naman pala. We still text, even if he's quite committed. Pero alam ko namang hindi ko siya talaga type: masyadong busy-busyhan.. So ayun, si Nuggets nalang siguro ang katapat niya..
4. "I thought you we're my fairy tale, a dream when I'm not sleeping." Well, this is the saddest talaga. Nameet ko rin siya sa DL. Tapos we hit perfectly nung una. Pareho kami ng interest, we make each other laugh at talagang nakakatuwa siya. Pero ewan, talagang hindi yata ako meant for UP people na mahilig maglaro ng Tekken. Siya yung kasama kong nanuod ng Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix sa Trinoma (sidenote: Trinoma sucks! Isang malaking MRT station!) at nakita pa nga namin ang isang AA Apprentice (si Tatay Keith). Well, akala ko may next day date pa sa UP, pero turns out wala na pala. Ewan ko talaga. I really thought I was right for the first time, hindi pala. Not when you see the words "I want us to be friends" flashing sa iyong YM screen. Hay.. I must admit na umiyak talaga ako ng todo. The truth is, masakit talaga para sakin kasi I was really, really expecting. It was so painful na wala na akong maramdaman. Sayang, yon lang naisip ko. Pero hindi pala ganon ang naramdaman niya. Siguro I really need to stop watching for signs: hindi lahat ng nakakatuwa, cuddly at touchy people ay may pinapahiwatig. Sometimes, it's just that plain. Anyway, okay naman na ngayon. Come to think of it, it's not really a loss. Mas masakit para sakin ang fact na hindi ako pwedeng kumain ng cheese flavoured popcorn sa sinehan. Nako, mabuti pa ay maghubad nalang tayong lahat at sumayaw ng Happy Happy Joy Joy..

As you can see, bigo parin talaga ako sa pag-ibig. Pero hindi naman ako totally sad. Masaya parin naman kahit walang jowa or walang kasama. Ilang taon narin naman akong single (pero hindi tigang.. :D) and I don't think there's any rush.

And by the way, thank you nga pala kay Jmaricon para sa kanyang inspiring words the night before I went out with number 4.

May Buddy Ako!

Sa AA naman (which stands for Artistang Artlets), masaya rin naman ako this year. Masayang-masaya dahil may buddy ako! Yehey!

Halos four years narin ako sa AA at medyo reluctant din ako sa buddies this year. Nung first year ko kasi, may buddy ako, si Kuya Gean del Mundo. Pero hindi kami masyadong naging close, kasi girls daw palagi buddies nya. Anyway, napasa niya yata sakin yung curse nya kasi hindi na ako nagkaroon ng buddy after niya. Nung second year, ang buddy ko ay si Nina, na nagquit from AA at ngayon ay Artistic Director na ng Teatro Tomasino. Last year naman, ang buddy ko ay si Lizelle, na nagquit din at hindi ko na nakita ever since.

Kaya this year, reluctant talaga ako sa mga buddy-buddy. Feeling ko kasi eh baka madisappoint lang uli ako. Pero dahil Senior ako, pwede na akong pumuli ng buddy. Kaya I took the chance nalang...

Dalawa yung buddies ko. Yung una, si Ysabel, ay under sa aspect ko: techical directing. Well, at first na natuwa naman ako sa kanya, kasi bibo siya nung auditions. Unfortunately, nag-quit ang lulu. Well, sorry nalang sa kanya.

My second buddy is Nikko, who is also from (surprise!) TD. Nako, mahal ko talaga itong buddy kong ito. He's funny at gigglish, kaya natutuwa ako sa kanya. Sana eh magstay siya at maging maayos ang acads nya. Panawagan pala sa parents ng buddy ko: Ah, mam, sir, sana po eh maintindihan niyo naman si Nikko. Magaling naman yang batang iyan eh.. and he promised to do good with his studies. Sana po eh payagan niyo siyang magcontinue sa AA.. :)

(Sidenote: TD stands for Technical Direction, not Technical Design. You can design lighting schemes, you can design musical scores, you can design sets and other PD things. But you can never design technicals. You direct technicals. Wag sana po tayong maconfuse.)

Oo nga pala, umamin ako agad sa buddy ko. Yeah, I know, loser move. Pero I had to kasi; sabi kasi niya magquiquit na raw siya and I don't want to lose another buddy na hindi niya ako kilala. Gusto ko pa sanang maging anonymous for another month or so, pero okay na rin..

And another thing: Buddy, mag-globe ka na ha?.. Hehehe

Outta Time!

Well, yan lang naman ang recent happenings ngayon. I'll keep everyone posted kung may mga bagong balita. Toodles!

Coffee Breakups

- Oh, share na tayo sa kape ha!
- Fhadz, nasabi ko nabang magkape ka?
- Pahiram ng shorts
- Wait, nasabi ko nabang hihiram ako ng short?
- Fhadz, magkape ka na.
- Changed, awaken.
- Nasabi ko nabang magkape ka Fhadz?
- Hihiram ka ba ng shorts?
- Fhadz, magkape ka na raw.
- Changed, awaken.
- Hihiram ka ba ng shorts?

- Fhadz, nabasa mo ba yung kanina?
- Alin?
- Sabi ko gusto ko ng closure. Ang weird..
- Bakit?
- Wala, nakuha ko kasi yung closure na gusto ko.
- Kailan.
- Kanina.
- Mark, uhm..
- I want us to be friends.
- :D
- Nasabi ko na bang magkape ka?

- Oy! Babasa mo na?
- Ang alin?
- Yung post sa blog ko.
- Tungkol sa?
- Nasabi ko nabang sa blog ko?
- Pahiram ng shorts
- Changed, awaken.

- Sabi ko na nga ba.
- Thanks for a good laugh!
- Hindi naman ako picky sa friends.
- Si Mark ito.
- Nasabi mo na yon.
- Fhadz, magkape ka na.

- Wow, Jolly Hotdog!
- Powertop ka pala.
- Yup, pero I don't mind if you're not hung.
- =))
- Gusto kitang i-fist
- =))
- Changed, awaken.
- Pahiram ng shorts.

- In fairness, cute pala katabi ko.
- To be fair.. :)
- Sorry, to be fair pala.
- Ah, so power bottom pala ako.
- Lumiliit ba yung bun o lumalaki yung hotdog?
- Flaky na siya, unlike before.
- Changed, awaken.
- Stupid amputa!
- Stats mo?
- Tignan natin kung makaupo ka pa!

- Go Cajucom! Nakabandana pa!
- Six years na yan.
- Markee!..
- Four years na, move on!
- Pahiram ng shorts.
- Taga Manila Doctors kaba?
- *cartwheels*
- Changed, awaken.

- Ang Kheps na Halimaw.
- Hahaha! Etits na submissive!
- Jaymar, mag-cr ka na!
- Wag kayong magchant!
- Changed, awaken.

- Mark, four years, pero mahal ko pa xa.
- Fhadz, magkape ka na.

- Ulitin mo nga...

Korean Mush Fest

I'll admit it. I love mushy movies (mushies). And that's why you'll be reading this post... Don't worry, I know you love them too.

It doesn't matter where the film comes from—if it's really mushy then you're sure that I'll watch it. I'll even cry and giggle at every mushy moment. Of course, you won't see me doing that; I need to be alone to fully appreciate a mushy film.

Since I'm really biased when it comes to mushiness, I only watch mushies from the US and Korea, and I believe that the best mushies come from the latter. And this is why I wrote this post, to give my Top 5 Korean Mushies.

The Criteria

So what is my criteria for a good mushie?..

1. Weird and unique storyline. Mushies should be very cliched—since they're about a very overrated subject (ehem, love.). Plus points if the story is so interesting, it can never happen in real life.
2. Great Script. It's the dialogue that really makes a mushie shine. Mushies should have very mushy dialogues, with lines that stick to your head and echo over and over again. Plus points for new takes on cliches.
3. Great Shots. Mushies should have great cinematography with special emphasis on uber-mushiness. Plus points for scenes with snow and rain.
4. A Predictable Twist. All mushies should have twists because that's what makes it more interesting, but these twists should be predictable enough. Plus points if you can predict the twist but still stay to watch the whole thing. That's a really good mushie. Also, plus points if someone dies.
5. Impact. Mushies should stay in your head for a very long time and should give you a chance to discuss it with other people who watched it themselves. Plus points if you'll be able to reminisce about the mushie and still giggle or cry.
6. Good Weepers. A weeper is a scene that is intended to make a mushie fan cry. Plus points if the weepers make even the eyes non-mushie fans water.

With that criteria, I present my Korean Mushies List.

Top 5: A Bungee Jump of Their Own

The Story: A guy falls in love with a girl. The girl dies and the guys finds her reincarnated. The Twist: The girl is reincarnated into a boy—who happens to be the guy's student. The Verdict: The story is really, really weird and I really like the fact that it's semigay in a way. Great shots and great dialogues. I also love the feeling of desperation for the lead male, which was really heavy in some parts. The final scene, with the bungee jump and the aerial shot is so romantic. And I must admit, I really love the train station scene. Plus Points: Final scene is literally to die for. Line to Remember: "Sorry, I think I came too late" "No, at least you came.

Top 4: Lure of the Wolf

The Story: Two rivals fighting for the love of a girl. The Twist: One of them is the girl's half brother... and he dies. The Verdict: This one had a great impact on me—I was really rooting for the brother and I really wanted the twist to be like a way for them both to be together.. which didn't happen. I also like the fact that the two leading men where strong figures and not the sissy types like in other Korean Mushies. The fight scenes where great and the cinematography is good. I really also liked it that there are actually two weepers: the flight scene and the death scene. All in all, this flick is a great introduction to Korean Mushies. Plus Points: Rain scenes all throughout—even in the fight scene, one lead dies, I cried twice. Line to Remember: "Nuna [Older Sister], in our next life, don't be my sister."

Top 3: Sad Movie

The Story: Four interwoven stories of different kinds of love. The Twist: One gets unrequited love, one ends up breaking with himself, one dies of cancer and one dies in a fire. The Verdict: I must admit that the first part of the movie wasn't in any way sad. In fact, it's a very comical movie. But as the movie progressed, the conflicts show up and the characters start to become more interesting. There is also that haunting sense of foreboding sadness throughout the whole film, which makes it very interesting. Cool use of a single song that is played all throughout the film. I love the scene where the guy ends up breaking with himself and the scene when the mother blew the whistle for the last time. The title of the movie isn't really misleading—it is really a sad movie. Plus Points: Several rain scenes, two people die, really haunting at some points, I cried twice. Line to Remember: There's no line to remember—for this movie, actions speak so louder.

Top 2: A Millionaire's First Love

The Story: A rich kid needs to move into the province and graduate before he can get his inheritance. He falls in love with a girl. The Twist: The girl is actually his childhood sweetheart, she has a heart condition wherein she'll die of too much love.. and she dies. The Verdict: I love it! I loved it so much that my eyes were so red after the movie. It's one of those movies wherein you'll really feel the sadness and where you'd really wish there was a happy ending. It's like, the quintessential uber mushy film. Plus points for the rain and snow scenes and the graduation scene still gives me shivers. Plus Points: Rain and Snow scenes (with the snow scene being an integral part of the story), uber mushy lines, the girl dies, I cried trice. Line to Remember: "Do you know why people close their eyes when they kiss?" "It's because they are both blinded by each other's brilliance." "In that moment that my eyes are closed, I'll miss you."

Top 1: The Classic

The Story: Too complex to tell. The Twist: Too many to list. The Verdict: A classic! It's one of those films that even non-mushies appreciate. The story is so complex and so twisted that you'll have a hard time remembering all the details, but the main points get stuck in your head like lettuce in your teeth. It is also unique in that it happens through a narative spanning two different time frames. The shots were really great and the music was so inspiring. The twists weren't that predictable which made it much more exciting. And most of all, its a flick that'll really make you wet.. your eyes that is.. Hahaha Plus Points: Great Rain scenes, several twists, I didn't cry—I wept so hard. Line to Remember: "I opened the window today. The romantic breeze signalled the coming of autumn. I'll put that in a letter and send it to you. "

Final Words

So there, that's my Top 5 list for the best Korean Mushies. If you're a bit weirded out as to why My Sassy Girl, Windstruck and Il Mare are left out, it's because they're too overrated and to tell you the truth, they didn't pass my criteria.. Hehe.. Post you comments now!

The Very Long Blog Post (with a very long title and hints of subtexts that are not really subtexts but truths that are veiled by a fear of reality)

WARNING: This posts contains several passages from different murder and thriller stories in progress. They are included within the post as part of an experimental subtexted writing style. Stop reading if you're queasy.

WARNING: This posts contains several passages from different murder and thriller stories in progress. They are included within the post as part of an experimental subtexted writing style. Stop reading if you're queasy.

Yes, I am very, very scared. Frightened to death of the things that come my way.

It was a sunny day in Alabang. Too sunny, Jean thought to himself. Too hot, I should guess, that Jean decided to shoot his daughter dead.

I guess you could say that the smoke has finally started to go down, and that my vision is slowly becoming clearer. The few months spent on trying to fix everything is finally taking their final bow, and the curtains are now being closed upon a dark chapter of my life. But instead of the light of the auditorium coming to rescue the audience and guiding them back towards the exit to face again the realities of this world, it seems to me that the booth has forgotten its work, and the people inside are left to wonder aimlessly in the dark, trying to find their way back towards the light--stumbling stupidly upon every block that sits on their path.

I have never been a person of emotions, and I am open to admit that I am not an expert on the subject. Yes, you can hear me babble on everything philosophical, technical and informational. But when I turn off the mind and listen to the heart, I only hear a string of static, blocking every insight that I want to find.

It wasn't too long before Alice found out that what Eric was hiding behind his back was a knife. And she became ever more sure as the cold blade started to rip appart the skin on her throat, spilling out thick red blood upon the white carpet she washed the morning before.

If I look back on the months that I have spent trying to regain my life, I guess I am left to wonder how I survived it all. The tears and troubles paid for my stupidity and my laziness are now but distant memories of a darker age. My dawn should be here by now, and I see the bright yellow rays from the distance. But why am I still in the dark?

Yes, I am happy--in a sense much like being fed after a months' worth of hunger. But I am not satisfied, nor am I really happy (in the sense I would like to believe).

I try to be philosophical when I define happiness: a temporary or extended state of emotion. Yet I try to find solace that happiness, contrary to what my mind tells me or my religion teaches, could not be temporary or extended. If bliss, as it says, is not found on this plane of existence, then I am proud to be a heretic.

No one was in the apartment that evening and it seemed as if everyone has decided to leave the boarding house for the weekend to celebrate the Holy Week. But little did Tricia know that she was about to see three of her roommates lying inside their room--with their heads severed and arms cut off.

I am happy as of the moment: I have a descent flow of income, I love my work, I have a loving family and a great set of friends, what more could I ask for?.. Well, there is a saying that when your career blooms, your love life fades. And this is exactly why I am still rotting.

It seems unfortunate that I am not able to do as I want. The answer is clear, yet it hurts.

I love people who could not love me. People want my love but I could not give it. I love others, and hope that they love me back, only to find out that I am weak--weak enough to fear of what might happen next. I am in love, but I am not in love.

To give something I must have that something. Else I fall into the delusion that I am worthy of giving. I'd rather see them happy in the arms of someone else, knowing that in mine they shall only thirst for something I could not provide. However I want it, man could not live with love alone.

Jacob was certainly in a good mood as he combed his hair in front of the mirror, humming a dance tune he had heard the night before. "This will be a fun night," he said to himself quietly. And in fact, the night did turn out quite well. Until the point he had to strangle his girlfriend.

My mind and my heart are one. My mind and my heart are not one. My body and my soul are similar. My body and my soul are not similar. I love someone, I don't love someone. I don't love someone, I love someone else. I love them both. I love them not.

Being in my position is not easy as it looks. I'm sorry, but my shoes are hard to fill. Believe me, I would do anything, anything. But I cannot change.

Why? Because change happens when something else happens, like when a fruit grows after the flower dies. To change something means to give up something else. And I could not give up who I am.

Mary always knew she married the perfect man, and all her friends thought so too. John was certainly Mr. Right--tall, dark, handsome and works with a large marketing firm that pays him more than he could ever spend. He was really the perfect guy, for even the way he disembowels his brides is a perfect technique.

Knowing that I was once a neopagan, my friend asked me once what would happen if someone I love dearly asks me to change my philosophy, my beliefs and my way of life. In a whirl of poignant emotions, I responded that I will not change.

I guess it's a large babble, with many subtexts, alternate meanings and other things like that. Medium not the message. The man is not the blog.

What is the sound of one hand clapping? Is it half-full or half-empty?.. I try to answer, but my mouth bites a branch of a tree.

You know I am scared. I have always been. So why the hell am I still dating?

Fred was panting. He just ran a mile, and he knows that there's no way that the man in the dark suit could find him. But it was he who found something. His eyes slowly grew larger, when he saw the bones of his mother, which he threw on this spot five years ago after he killed her.

DISCLAIMER: This posts contains various ideas on different topics. Do not try interpreting the text. Do not give it any meaning other. This work is a literary experiment. Nothing more.