Armed

I boarded a bus at Robinson's Galleria. It was a Saturday, and I running out of money faster than you can say "peso." I sat down on an empty seat halfway to the end of the air-conditioned bus and I sighed heavily. The money I was expecting didn't come and all I wanted to do is sleep.

I was stirred a few minutes later and I felt the bus going towards the halt. The window to my right sported the view of the Star Mall. Shaw, I thought to myself. The bus doors opened and several people boarded the bus. And then, almost like a vision, I saw him.

He was 5'11, short messed-up hair, moreno and as hot as the burning sun outside. He was all dressed-up in a blue shirt that displayed the work of an unknown graphic designer and stone-washed jeans, perfectly showcasing the well defined legs underneath.

And after that vision of hotness that might have burned my eyes a little bit, I again fell back to sleep.

The bus stopped again. I turned to the large glass window on my right and saw the industrial design of the old car-park near the Ayala Station. Makati, I said silently in my brain. Still a few minutes before I hit home. I decided to snooze some more. But before I did, I turned to my left, which was now occupied by an unknown person.

There he was, to my surprise, seated right next to me. Amazement suddenly knocked me off my sleepy state, and I could now clearly see how hot this guy was. For a moment I wanted to borrow the sunglasses dangling from his shirt—the sight was just too much to behold. I'm was afraid that I may permanently be blinded. But I endured the sight of this almost surreal being of the heavens.

And after a few minutes of ogling, I again regained the ability to close my eyes. I slept once more.

But my dreams of buying the latest book on programming the universal serial bus was cut short. My mind suddenly became half awake, with my eyes still shut.

I felt something in my lower back, down the hip area—a firm yet gentle touch with a slight tingle of heat. In a split second, my mind processed the whole moment and I suddenly came to the conclusion that this hotness who sat beside me has just place his hand on my hips.

Oh fucking heavens! What in the world is happening? Is this guy trying to rob me? Hmm, it could be.. But then again, I'm dead broke, and his hands are too far away from that thin piece of leather that once upon a time held my cash. Maybe he's trying to mess with me. But why? My mind had numerous questions.

But in that fleeting moment, I felt as though someone cared for me. Someone liked me. Someone wanted me so badly that he'll risk being mistaken for a pick-pocket just so he could lay his warm, muscular arm around my waist. Honestly, I was in heaven.. for about 30 seconds.

He suddenly stirred, and I stirred too. He woke up, and I woke up. He realized where his hand was lying and quickly pulled it. I could swear I heard the angels suddenly gasp and cry. He looked at me with a gaze of shock, and I now realized that we were both fully awake.

"Oh my god!" he said, in a voice that reverberated through the whole bus. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to!"

"Uhm," I responded, not knowing what to say. "It's okay?.."

"I'm so sorry! I was dreaming!" he explained, his face now flushed red and reconfigured into a look of apology. "I really don't mean it! I really didn't know!"

"It's okay," I said, repeating myself like I always do--but with a tender tone and a seducing smile.

"I was dreaming that I was still at home. Akala ko you were my girlfriend."

There it was, the answer that I was searching for a minute back. It hit me on the face like a triple-coated, industrial-grade, teflon pan. I was dumbfounded, flabbergasted, and that other weirdly spelled adjective that could mean "shocked, confused, weirded-out and disappointed" at the same time.

He stood up, still apologizing and looked for a seat in the front of the bus. I sat there, still trying to figure out what just happened. From afar I can hear his voice, now directed to his girlfriend who was on the other side of his cellular phone. He was relating what happened.

I just sat there silently. I had no one to call, no one to text. I couldn't share the moment, the shock, the confusion and the all-too-sudden depression I felt.. and I found it impossible to just close my eyes.

Within a minute, I found myself standing up, walking towards the exit of the bus. He rushed off before me, trying not to bump into me again, and could no longer find him among the multitude of people outside the bus.

I smiled. I could only imagine what could have happened if I was right: if he was really trying to touch me, if he really wanted me. But alas. I left the bus, alone once again, with no one to touch my back.

And as I walked home, I remembered that depressing fact that I still didn't have any money in my pocket.

Ten Things

Here's a list of ten things about me I probably haven't told you before.

1. When I was young, I believed that my sole destiny was to become a priest. I would often lead prayers during family gatherings and I was the "most religious" kid on the block. And although I no longer subscribe to the Catholic faith, I still dream, every once in a while, of performing mass and giving an ass-kicking sermon.
2. I'm a DB Alumnus and I'm the only one from my campus who can claim that I did it with a batchmate inside the Assistant Principal for Student Affairs Office. Yup, I'm that adventurous. It was class hours and the Assistant Principal was making rounds while the Student Council Treasurer, another Batchmate and I were in the office. My other batchmate got horny--and apparently, horniness is very contagious. So we did it there, with the SC Treasurer (who is a close friend) on the lookout. Thank god my friend had clear eyesight. We finished our, uhm, "student affairs" just before the Assistant Principal finished his rounds.
3. Currently, I have around two-hundred books in my collection, of which only twelve are fiction. I have 43 books on graphic design and the arts, 16 books on programming, 30 books on different sciences, 19 books on linguistics, 20 general reference books and 61 books on religious studies. (Not to mention around two-thousand plus Digital Books.) Total estimated price of all printed books is around a quarter of a million pesos. And yes, I have read less than half of them. ^_^
4. I suffer from N.A.D.D. or Nerd Attention Deficiency Disorder. As there is no known medication for this illness, it seems that I'm doomed to live with it.
5. I was once banned from Timezone Glorietta after I got into a fight with another gamer there. I probably would have kicked his ass, had he not invoked the help of six other men. (Hello? A gang of three gay men against seven "rappa-gansta" dudes? If only it was in bed.)
6. I was voted-off once from my High School course session. While the teacher was blabbering away about connecting to a database with an ActiveX control, I was busy speaking with my seat-mate regarding the cute guy a year ahead of me that I was eying during lunch. The next thing I know, my teacher was asking my classmates, "Who would like your talkative classmate [refering to me] to leave the room?" Apparently half of the class raised their hands. I stood up, walked to the door. And before I left the room, I turned around, faced my classmates and said, "Okay lang, because I already know what he's talking about. I'm sure I will pass this course.. Are you as confident as I am?" I left the room and I slammed the door.
7. I don't have a sense of time and a sense of dates. I could wake up on a Wednesday at around 2pm and think that it's 10am on a Monday. Thus, I'm a big loser when it comes to time management, and that's my biggest weakness.
8. I have a knack for forgetting the important stuff and remembering the trivial ones. For instance, don't expect me to remember your birthday or your phone number. But I can tell you the first text message you've ever sent me and the every small detail of the funny story you told me the other day.
9. I get all giggly and girlish every time I watch a cheesy romantic comedy. You'll see me laugh, cringe and cry. And speaking of movies, the last Harry Potter flick is the sole reason why I will never-ever return to Trinoma again.
10. I am addicted to typography, typefaces and fonts. Don't ever ask me what my favorite font is, unless you want a two-hour lecture on the history of fonts and why I despise certain typefaces. I once became so afraid of this addiction when I correctly pointed out which paragraph was set in Times New Roman from a text rendered in twenty similar fonts. And weirdly enough, a beautiful sans-serif font can put me in an orgasmic state.

Post

Gelo started snapping his fingers impatiently, as if trying to make a tune to break the silence that surrounded him. The sun was slowly hiding from his view, and he saw that people were already packing up their things, saying their last prayers and leaving the cemetery. He looked at his watch. Quarter to six.

Where is he? Gelo thought to himself as he seated himself at the foot of the tall white angelic figure overlooking a majestic tomb owned by a family he knew nothing of. He took a deep breath and crossed his hands. He closed his eyes as if listening for something. He heared the slamming of a car door from a distance. He's here.

Gelo opened his eyes and looked to his left, where the sight of a mahogany tree greeted him. At the side of this aging tree was a man, dressed in a green polo shirt, straight cut denim pants and an old pair of red chucks. His face was well-defined, his hair styled to look unstyled. He was holding nothing except for a single white rose on his left hand.

But Gelo didn't pay attention to what the guy was wearing or what he was holding. What Gelo noticed the most was the man's brown eyes—which had that empowering sense that captured him five years ago when he first met him, walking towards the bench he was sitting on. And in that moment, as the man slowly walked over to were he stood, Gelo knew that this was the man he was waiting for.

"I didn't expect you'd come."

"Don't lie." Brian answered as he approached him. "You always say you didn't expect something, yet you always hope it will still happen."

Gelo smiled. He knew Brian knows too much about him. He also remembered that Brian had beaten him twice in separate Debate Competitions during their senior college year. He would rather be silent than face the agony of defeat once more.

"How's tita? I've heard she got sick." Gelo asked as Brian drew nearer. "I hope she's doing well."

"Just a minor cold." Brian replied, almost automatically, as he sat down beside Gelo. "She's doing fine."

"That's good." said Gelo. "I was really worried when I heard, I thought it was something serious. And how about your sister? Did she pass the Bar Exam?"

"No results yet. But I think she will." Brian answered sparsely.

Gelo knew that something was bothering Brian, who was normally more outspoken. He starred at him and saw the contours of his face. He knew of the story of every line, every speck and every small detail. This wasn't unchartered territory for him. Everything has been revealed before during those mornings when he woke up with him at his side.

But Brian wasn't looking at Gelo, nor was he examining his face. He was starring at the horizon, observing how the silhouettes of the tree atop the distant hill overlooking the cemetery were playing tricks on his eyes, with the help of the light of the setting sun. The orange flares made the swinging branches dance with life, as if enchanted by some strange form of magic.

"What's bothering you?" Gelo asked.

Brian looked away from the dancing tree as silence was broken. He bowed his head and took a deep breath.

"Tell me." Gelo demanded almost silently.

An eerie silence hung around the now darkening cemetery. Brian looked up. He faced Gelo and looked straight at his eyes.

"I found somebody new." Brian revealed.

Gelo smiled weakly and looked away. A sudden feeling of dread and vindication flooded him. Slowly, the memories of him and Brian passed through his eyes, like memories pass through the eyes of those standing between the lines of life and death.

"I know." Gelo replied in a faint yet confirming voice.

***

Brian stood up and walked slowly towards big tomb before them. There was a faint light coming from the candles left burning inside by visitors now gone. He could smell the burning wax and feel the slight heat lingering in the air. He clenched his fists and remembered the single rose he brought. For a moment, he thought he had been pricked by a thorn. But there was no blood or any wound.

Gelo didn't stand nor stir. He sat there motionless, trying hard not to cry, but finding it harder to let out a tear at the same time. The news wasn't startling. After all, he knew for some time now about Brian's new love. But Gelo found it impossible to speak any works to break the invisible wall now dividing them.

Brian held out his watch towards the yellow glow. Ten minutes past seven.

"It's getting late." Brian said. "I think I should get going."

Gelo stood up. He hesitated for a moment, but suddenly found the words he wanted to blurt out.

"Do you still remember our first kiss?"

Brian turned around. In his mind, the moment which Gelo sought to remember replayed and he remembered every sound and every color; every scent and every movement were now repeated in his mind. The memory flooded his senses, and once again he was at that old Italian restaurant where their lips first met five years ago, underneath the light of a full moon.

"No." Brian replied coldly.

Gelo could do nothing but smile. He was looking down, afraid to show Brian the tears that are now slowly pouring from his eyes. He let out a small sob, but took out his faded white handkerchief and wiped this eyes dry. He sat down.

"What happened to us?" Gelo asked Brian, who now stood silently before him. "What happened to everything we were?"

Brian couldn't find the words to answer the question. He wanted to spout out reasons and explanations, but he knew that it wasn't the right time for philosophical blabberings.

"I guess," Brian slowly whispered, "I guess some things just need to end."

Gelo didn't move. Nor did Brian. The air was thick and the silence was almost unbearable. From the distance, they could hear the last set of people walk out of the cemetery. They were all alone now.

***

"Angelo.." Brian finally whispered.

Gelo looked up. He always loved the way Brian called out his full name, and it always made him feel all tingly inside when he heard him pronounce each sound. It was like his name was being discovered for the first time, like a new word being produced out of thin air. It was magical and it was special.

But this time there was no magic.

"It's been two years." Brian continued. "Two years emptiness. Two years of nothing. I think I've suffered long enough. I think it's time for me.. for us.. to move on.."

"I guess I was always right with my guesses." Gelo responded without looking at Brian. "I guess I should have known that this time will come, sooner or later. Or maybe, I already knew that it would end up this way. I have always expected it.. but maybe I didn't hope for it."

The silence and darkness merged, and the cemetery was now almost emptied from both sound and light. The two men now glowed faintly of gold, lit by the candles that dotted the tombs scattered around them. No words were spoken. No movements were made. Only breath can be heard. Slow and faint breathing.

"It's weird when you look at it." Gelo said in an amused tone. "It's ironic that we are finally letting go and we're doing it in a cemetery. We can't do it like normal people do. We can't do it on the phone. We can't do it in public. It has to be secret and hidden. It's like we're burying our past and leaving it behind, never speaking of it again."

Brian didn't answer. He walked over to were Gelo was sitting and lifted his arm, extending the rose to Gelo, who still sat upon the foot of the tall angelic work of art. Gelo lifted his head and saw the beautiful flower, bathing in the light of the distant candles, glowing faintly. He took it and he examined it in the way he examined Brian's face. Its beauty was not fit for such a moment and it felt as though it was mocking him.

Brian turned around and started walking. "I'm leaving."

Gelo stood up, still trying not to look at Brian.

"Did when did you learn that you didn't love me anymore?"

Brian stopped. For a moment he stood there motionless.

***

"Blue." Brian whispered.

"What?" Gelo said, unable to understand the meaning of what Brian said.

"You were wearing a blue shirt on the night of our first kiss." Brian replied as he turned around. "I remember your white cordoroy pants, your light brown sneakers, your Hugo Boss perfume. I remember the way your hair bounced a little while we walked along the patio of that old Italian restaurant you always loved to check out. I remember the chicken scarpariello you ordered and the casata we shared. I remember the Fontodi Chianti you told me to order. I remember the violins that played as we were walking out. I remember us gazing at the full moon and how you said that you never saw the moon that big before enthroned around the majesty of stars. And most of all, I remember the heat of your lips as it touched mine. I remember the moment when I knew I really loved you."

A tear came rolling down Gelo's cheeks as he listened to Brian's words. He looked at the man before him and he smiled.

"So that's how it was." Gelo said, more tears now rolling from his eyes.

"And honestly, I don't know when I learned that I no longer love you." Brian told the man before him.

"Because I never stopped loving you."

Gelo's smile widened as more tears began falling.

Brian could not say anything else. He smiled and turned his back and started heading to the parking lot. And as he watched him disappear into the distance, Gelo let out a faint sigh. He felt relieved in some way, as though he has somehow moved on. And as he heard Brian's car slowly drive out of the cemetery, he smiled, and he felt the special tingle he had always yearned to feel again since he died two years back.