Why Don't You Try and Look Behind?

Before anything else, two excerpts:

August 15, 2007:
Me: kasi I feel so weirded out by guys like him..
GD: why?
Me: pag sobrang gwapo kasi ng guys, I think of them as existing in a whole other planet..
Me: :D
GD: ayaw mo ba sa gluthatione boys? heheheh
Me: ewan..
Me: siguro they're just too way outta my league, I dismiss them as mythical assholes..
GD: ano kb..
GD: isa sila sa mga prospect ko in life.
Me: hahaha..
Me: well, they don't exist in mine.. :D

August 17, 2007:
Me: I used to like japanese guys..
Me: :P
GD: dahil?
GD: and now?
Me: hindi na rin sila nag-eexist..
Me: :))
GD: kawawa naman ang mundo m..
GD: lonely.

Yup, my world is lonely. In my world, two things don't exists: cute japanese boys and hot guys. Weird hu? Why? Because I just figured out that I'd be much happier excluding them from my world.

I'd had it with crushes and flirting. It seems that everything has changed around me. When I go out with my highschool friends, all I hear are great stories on how they hooked-up with hot guys, cute boys and the works behind the hot nights and cool dates. It seems that everyone has escaped the cruelty of studying in an all-boys school where you can have crushes all day long but receive nothing because the boys you fancy are straight.. Everyone, except for me.

It's weird, since I have surpassed the level of fancying straight boys who I know won't give the slightest damn about me. For a few years now I've set my eyes on the real prize: gay (or bisexual) guys who are ready for real relationships and homosexual explorations. But I'm still amazed of how futile my attempts have been.

It seems that everyone is way beyond my league. Every person I try to go out with, every guy I try to get to know--it's like I don't deserve them at all. No, I won't go down and break my self-esteem by saying things like "maybe I'm not good-looking enough," or "maybe I'm just too short". I'm done with that shit.

For me, it's just better that these guys, who make me feel so underrated, to not exist in my world. They're a problem I don't want to have. And just for a little philosophy, I'd like to propose an explanation on why this thing keeps on happening (which I'm sure applies to many people and not just me.)

It's because everyone tries to look up, beyond, forward. They don't care to look behind. Want an example? The average guys try to hook up with cute guys. The cute guys look for hot guys. The hot guys try and go out with hotter guys. The hotter guys try to have it with "gods". And of course, the gods--who think they're better than everyone else because they were gifted with good physique, olympic looks and non-dying sex appeal--ignore the hotter guys, who ignore the hot guys, who ignore the cute guys, who ignore the average guys. And what happens in the end is certain: no one gets anything, everyone becomes lonely.

I'm not generalizing, but I assume that many people will agree with my theory. Of course there are some exceptions to this, and those are the lucky ones. But try and go to a hotspot and observe the guys lurking around and you'll see what I mean: you won't see an average guy with a hot guy or a cute guy with a god. It's like we have a gay/bisexual caste system based on our looks, our body and our fashion sense. It's a friggin shit that we can't display our wits, our intellect and our character publicly.

I could go all day with this, but I won't. I stated my case long enough. And I don't expect things to change in the future, I guess we're all trapped in a society where our happiness depends on our profile pictures and our physique. And it's really fucking shity.

So please, do all of us a favor.. Try to look behind you.